Spiritual Love Warrior

Never lose Faith and Trust in the Lords plan for you, even when it doesn’t make sense

I want share something private that I’ve never shared with anyone. Until today. My niece is going to become a mother. Her due date is in a month and she’s having a baby girl. I never thought I’d be able to look forward to attending another family event such as this.

In order for you to understand, we need to travel back over twenty years when my intuitive skills were sharper. Over twenty years ago, I had this weird need to make a baby blanket. I was single and had no children so it was odd this came about. I made it anyway because it niggled at me.

Fast forward months later, after I finished the blanket. It’s November 1st and I’ve miscarried. I was approximately 6 1/2 weeks along. Now, it’s past my ability to have children, so I never had the chance to use it. As I  get to know the Lord better, to be closer to him, I understand children were not of his plan for me in this life. Maybe my next one?

Every year when November 1st came around, I cried in private. I felt that I let my unborn down, that I broke him/her and it was my fault. It took me many years to allow November 1st to come and go without a tear.

Current day… I never let go of that blanket. I kept it safely tucked away in a hope chest, unwilling and unable to part with it. Unfortunately I find it difficult to hold a baby. I find it difficult to see a family member having children of their own. My smiles and joy were forced.  A small piece of my pain remained buried inside.

In a few days is my niece is having a baby shower and the Lord chose now is the time to work on fixing the last shred of my sorrow. Today I felt a sudden desire to gift this precious blanket filled with hope and love onto my niece. I almost didn’t go through with it. I placed it back in the hope chest and walked away. I didn’t get very far when I walked back and removed it. I felt a tear in my eye. I wasn’t ready to let go of this part of my past, but something inside said it’s time.  Maybe it was the Lord whispering to me, “My child, it’s time to move past this.” After a little prayer to the Lord to grant me strength, I did it. I finally did it!

I sit here typing away with the gift bag filled with a precious memory and I feel no pain, no guilt, and I know when I see my pregnant niece, I’ll be genuinely happy. I won’t have to fake it this time. It feels as if some small heavy part of my spirit was lifted away.

Why do you think the Lord chose this time to heal me? Why now, rather than when my nieces and nephews were born? It was because it wasn’t my time yet. The Lord knows we must learn and grown spiritually before we can overcome a personal challenge.

Keep your love, faith, and trust in the Lord with every moment, even when it doesn’t make sense. I promise that one day it will, like it was for me today.  I finally understand why I wasn’t able to let go until now. I know that before, I wasn’t really ready to. I lacked the understanding and strength to truly overcome it.

Keep the faith, trust in the Lord, and continue to get to know him. He loves us, his children, and like any father, wants the best for us.